There’s no good way to say this, and I don’t mean to offend anyone but I don’t like Halloween. Sure, I loved trick or treating as a kid. I lived in a complex in the city that was made up of four buildings each with 34 stories and maybe eight apartments per floor. 1,088 doors for my little fists to knock on and repeat the phrase “trick or treat.” I would get a costume from Spirit Halloween, or rewear something from the year before. I didn’t have to think about that part. My job was to get to as many apartments as possible and with that as much candy as possible. Then when I was done, I could lay it all on the ground and organize them; Skittles in one pile, M&Ms in another, each candy had its own pile. That feeling of utter contentment could only be found on the evening of Oct. 31, as I sat on my floor and sorted my well deserved candy.
But now Halloween is four days long, and if I want candy, I have to spend $15 on a bag from the store. Not the same thing, and not even close to that feeling of contentment. Now I need to worry about having four slutty and somewhat unique costumes, despite the near freezing temperatures of Upstate New York at the end of October. Last year I didn’t see this as a problem until the weekend ended and I found myself with an undiagnosable illness that refused to leave my body for weeks after. This year I’m facing two problems: one, I don’t want to be sick and two, I don’t want to dress slutty.
There is nothing wrong with dressing slutty, and I think saying that my problem lies there is a cop out. My problem isn’t that I don’t want to dress slutty, it’s that my brain conflates sluttiness with femininity, and I am not at a point where I want to present myself as feminine.
In the weeks leading up to Halloweekend, I was very happy with my costumes. Nothing too feminine and, in turn, nothing too revealing. However, as the weekend rolls around, I’m second guessing my costumes. I started feeling this need to be feminine, and to wear less clothing. What will people think of me if I go out in these costumes?
I have to remind myself that I deserve to be comfortable — not even temperature wise, but with my gender and finding the right balance of femininity and masculinity in my costume. I can still feel good and confident, and maybe even sexy, in pants or a button down.
While I was struggling to really pinpoint this balance; I talked to a lot of people, and came to a conclusion that these would be my three costumes (spoiler alert):
1. Regina George in Mean Girls
The scene in the locker room where Janis cuts holes in the chest of Regina’s tank tops. This costume is perfect and both easy and affordable. All you need is a white wife beater, a brightly colored bra, a mini skirt (if you are feeling up to it), or my go-to low waisted jeans. It’s fun, it’s simple, and I own two of the three items already so it’s cheap too.
2. Baseball Player from the 40s
I have recently been watching and rewatching the new A League of Their Own reboot. This entails a sports bra or wife beater, a baseball jersey or cap and jeans or khaki pants. It really depends on what you’re looking for. There’s the typical baseball uniform but that includes some kind of skirt attached to a shirt situation, and I’m not really one for skirts. But if that sounds like something that is for you, it can be found here. For the more masculine take, there’s this great Etsy shop that sells just the jersey and cap. Pair that with a sports bra and some khaki pants or even mom jeans and bam! You’re a baseball player from the 40s.
3. Frat Boy
This is one of my favorites, and one that I will in fact be doing this Hallweekend. And the best part is that half of the items from this costume are parts of the first two I mentioned. Picture a frat boy, what do you need? A wife beater, boxers, a button down and a backwards baseball cap. This may seem boring, but do you know how many funny baseball caps there are? Put most of your costume finding energy, and money, into this part of the costume. The two hats that I am currently deciding between are a bedazzled denim cap that says “sexy” in studs, and a blue hat I got from a Remi Wolf concert that says “you like having sex like an animal.” I own all of these items and will be spending zero money, and will essentially be in my pajamas. And hey, a wife beater and boxers can be sexy.
One of my favorite ideas that sadly I will not be using but deserves its own paragraph, came to fruition as I was walking with my friend Kenny to their house. They had this ingenious idea of being a LEGO man for Halloween. You dress as yourself, totally normal, except your hands are in a circular position that form a “U” or “C” depending on the angle you’re looking at it, like the LEGO people. It’s perfect. There is also a shirt that reads, “this is my Halloween costume,” pair it with any bottom and any shoes, it’s up to you.
Other honorable mentions include: Wednesday Addams: two braids and a long black dress. Captain Underpants: some kind of white underwear and a red tape, top is up to you. A yearbook: a white shirt or dress that says yearbook on the top. All you need to do is carry around a sharpie and have people sign you. This is great because it’s not only an easy and comfortable costume but you get to meet a bunch of new people and keep a little piece of memorabilia at the end of the night.
I hope that you can find some solace in my babbling and my silly little list like I did when writing it. Halloween stresses me out, it makes me think of things I don’t want to be thinking about and question things I would prefer to keep locked away. At the end of the day I want to enjoy myself, so I’ll be in my comfy costumes and maybe I’ll even go trick-or-treating. It’s about doing what makes you comfortable, no matter how scary that idea seems.
