There is no question this is going to be a less-than-fun season for us Mets fans.
While 2013 is clearly a transition year between two eras – one marked by overspending and poor decision making and the other a clear step toward a brighter future – it does not change the fact the Mets will have no semblance of “meaningful games in September” this year.
So how can Mets fans endure what is sure to be a long and grueling season full of growing pains? Don’t worry, I’ve got some ideas.
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ITEM 1: Scouting Reports
The first thing you are going to need is a few scouting reports to desperately cling to. The Mets have some bright young players rising through their farm system, and until late May, they will be nothing more than a figment of our over-active imaginations.
So grab a scouting report for Zach Wheeler, Travis D’Arnund and Noah Syndergaard so you can drool over the potential devastation these three names could provide to the National League in the next few years. They are heralded by many to be some of the best, and most exciting, prospects in baseball – and if we are going to make it through 2013, dreaming about a brighter future will be paramount.
ITEM 2: Whiskey
I know Cat has written a fancy cocktail Mets fans could make to get them through this season, but for me, only whiskey will be able to truly match the bitter taste that will be in fans’ mouths for much of next season.
Think about it, whiskey will not only help because it is the drink of the depressed and jaded, but it will also provide the perfect amount of post-shot sting that will make you close your eyes and divert your attention from the mess that is unfolding on the field in front of you.
Studies have shown that Mets fans are almost twice as likely as Yankee fans to drink heavily, so do us proud, Mets fans.
ITEM 3: A Few Extra Dollars
With an all-but-certain lackluster product being put on the field each week, the Mets are anticipating a significant drop in attendance this season. This is to be expected, because the casual fan doesn’t want to pay exuberant ticket prices to watch a sub-par product.
But, if a few of us can scramble together some spare quarters, we can forgo the tickets and just send Sandy Alderson and Fred Wilpon some extra money to spend next offseason.
ITEM 4: A Subscription to The
New York Post
Before you ask if my eyes are attached to my brain – hear me out. The Mets are going to have some pretty awful losses in the near future, and nothing commemorates a truly dismal loss than the headline that graces the New York Post the next morning.
Just think of the possibilities: “Wheels Falling Off?” (Zach Wheeler’s first rough start), “Wright Idea?” (David Wright not living up to his recent contract), “Murphy’s Law” (When Murphy makes a game-ending error at second base), or even “Fransic-NO!” (Frank Francisco blows his first save opportunity).
You’ll thank me later for taking the time to read the puns.
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So there you have it Mets fans, just a few things that might help you make it through the dog days of summer, and maybe just enough to make it through
October.