Finding Myself at the Blue Cliff Buddhist Monestary

I have always been fascinated by questions of our purpose and how to make the most out of our short lives. In 10th grade, my English teacher introduced me to “Siddhartha” by Hermann Hesse. From the first chapter, I was hooked. It is the story of a young man in India with the same questions about life as I had. He was inspired by wandering ascetics and eventually followed their lead, pursuing a life of moderation in the woods and embracing the idea that life is suffering. There, he learned from Buddhist teachers and tried to reach Nirvana, a state of enlightened emptiness. I connected deeply with the motif of the river which Hesse explored in Siddhartha. The river, constantly in motion, represents life and the passage of time, which is nonlinear and sometimes circular. Sitting by the river and observing gave Siddhartha the wisdom to become enlightened.

I sought out more resources to educate myself on Buddhism after reading Siddhartha. Thich Nhat Hanh’s guided meditations and books, particularly in his book titled “Be Free Where You Are,” had a great impact on me in high school. The idea that “there can be mindfulness in anything you do” inspired me. During that time of my life, I constantly lingered in the past and worried about the future. Upon reading those words, I was inspired to notice my surroundings and accept my feelings in the present moment without letting them consume me. But this was not an immediate change that happened within me, and to this day I struggle with redirecting my thoughts in a more positive or neutral direction.

I still find myself seeking spiritual guidance often, since growth and time are nonlinear and all. When I researched online for monasteries near New Paltz, Blue Cliff was the first to pop up. It seemed like a sign to me that this monastery is connected to Plum Village, the monastic practice center in France that Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh founded. After some more digging, I found that Blue Cliff does Days of Mindfulness on Sundays that are open to the public. It was clear to me where I had to be the following Sunday morning.

When I arrived at Blue Cliff Monastery on Oct. 27, I was late. I was nervous, as I always am when I arrive late. I opened the door to the meditation hall where a large group was seated in a semicircle and four monastics seated in front of them. I was intimidated. I turned to my friend who was willing to come on the adventure with me and asked, “Do you think we can go in?”

My hesitance to enter the space branches from my fear of not belonging in spiritual spaces. I did not grow up religious and I often resented my parents for this fact. I was forced to seek out my own identity. But as soon as I walked in, likely looking confused and out of place, a Buddhist nun smiled warmly at me, handing me a headphone set to listen in on the discussion. Instead of feeling like a burden, I felt sincerely welcomed and invited into the space by her smile. We joined the group sitting on plastic chairs and put our headsets on to listen to the Blue Cliff monks and nuns answer questions from the visitors of the day.

After hearing the monks give their answers to questions the visitors had, we were led outside to do a group walking meditation. If you have seen me walking on campus, I was definitely blasting music through my headphones. I don’t usually think about walking as an activity to be savored, so I try to busy my mind with song lyrics. I listened at first to the sound of leaves crunching under our shoes, irritated by the slow pace of the walk. But soon I found it was just background noise to the feeling of calm that warmed me from the inside. I was touched by the presence of the people walking beside me who were trying their best to live peacefully. This feeling brought me back to my first ever reading of Siddhartha. I remembered the wisdom that Siddhartha gained from observing nature and how he felt the unity of all life from looking at the riverside. I felt my time spent walking in silence was a similar experience to his. I felt the unity of everyone visiting the monastery as the speed of our footsteps sync up. I felt our collective desire to do better and be better. At one point on the walk, we reached a small lake. The sun struck the water in such a way that I felt more alive just looking at it.

“I am home” read the inscribed stone in front of the entrance to the monastery. I thought about what I defined as home for myself. Was it my family apartment on the outskirts of Boston? Or has it become my small dorm room on campus? The same feeling of comfort and peace I feel in those spaces enveloped me after my day at Blue Cliff. I felt at home with other people who were also searching for answers and guidance and in the eyes of the nun who welcomed me with her smile.

When we arrived back at the monastery, there was a Dharma talk in which participants sat in a circle on the floor and shared what they felt compelled to with the group. After that, we enjoyed a silent and delicious lunch. I left with a lighter heart and a heavy bag filled with treats from the bookstore, most notably a beautiful brass singing bowl.

Days of Mindfulness are hosted almost every Thursday and Sunday and special dates are noted on the Blue Cliff website. I urge you to pay the monastics a visit if you are seeking guidance in any area of life or even just a day away. Donations to the monastery are appreciated but not necessary.