Copy Desk Cookoff: Week Night Dinner


Over Christmas break, I received a recipe book. A substantial encyclopedia of every dish anyone would ever want to eat. Steak dinners, breakfast omelets, vegetable stir fry. Even a snacks page.

There were subsections upon subsections. In total, I think more than 1,000 incredibly detailed pages that could vividly guide me through any delicious recipe I wanted. I’m a little hesitant about that page number because it currently resides in my mother’s apartment, 82.8 miles away, according to Google maps.

Since that book hasn’t been opened since Dec. 25, my Copy Desk Cookoff recipe will be one of a semi-typical week night dinner.

To start, I open the refrigerator door. I stand there from anywhere between four and seven minutes. Staring. I like to take in the sights of leftovers and weigh my options. Plus, the cool breeze of the icebox is refreshing.

I take a shot of scotch.

I reach for a jar of Nutella and a can of JIFF (creamy, not crunchy) peanut butter. I alternate between dipping my fingers into each before I decide to get respectable and use a spoon. I find that the two spreads blend delightfully. I pour myself a shot of clear rum to cleanse the palette.

Second course. I pull out some cheese. A block of cheddar, to delicately slice into bite size pieces and consume, still in front of the fridge. If I’m feeling adventurous, I’ll throw a few of those cheddar chunks on a slice of bread and let it heat in the microwave for 30 seconds. Two glasses of lukewarm Nathanson Creek Merlot go best with this dish.

I end it with a pint of Haagen Dazs. I stick it in the microwave for 15 seconds to soften it just a bit.

Another shot of rum while I wait.

I finish the pint while I sit on the couch, maybe in front of a “Parks and Recreation” rerun.

Two more shots of rum.

And there you have it.