Milking It For What It’s Worth

Jaleesa Baulkman

I think most people at New Paltz think that I like them because I’m cordial. I’m only nice to them because I have to deal with them almost every day. I have to be friendly.

Why would I want to shit where I eat? Or shit on my own doorstep?

Because of this, people that I don’t give two dead skin-cells about walk up to me and start talking about their life like I’m some sort of therapist with melanin-deficiency like Dr. Phil. Most of the time, while they’re trying to shove a slice of their cheesy life down my throat, I keep thinking about my lactose intolerance.

Now, I’m disgusted. I just said “lactose” and I realized how much I hate milk. Well, I mean, I don’t hate milk – I just can’t have too much of it.

You can pour a little bit of it in my coffee, cereal and oatmeal and I wouldn’t be mad about it. Heck, I can stand having the three standard servings, but don’t put me in a milk room and expect me not to gag or be horrified.

I noticed that the media always talks about how great drinking milk and eating dairy products is with “Got Milk” campaigns featuring Olympians, movie stars, musicians and Madonna. But they never talk about the adverse effects of milk.

I’m not going to talk about that either, that would make this column longer than it needs to be and I’m not cool with that.

But here’s some food for thought: dairy was the product most often recalled by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the 1990’s. If the FDA is able to find some compassion in its corporate-run heart to recall dairy products then, you know, that must mean something.

And I always puke after I drink a lot of it.

But, I digress…what was I talking about? Oh, yeah the kids here at SUNY New Paltz.

SUNY New Paltz is a milk room and the people here are like milk.