The past couple of weeks have been a very new and odd time for me.
I have been searching for a summer internship and it has felt like a life or death situation.
Chasing your dream can be mostly overwhelming. It seems that everything relies on locking up a job. Even when you have one, there is always something to overthink. I am always looking ahead to know things are guaranteed and a signed deal, no matter what it is. This way, nothing can collapse. I will know there will always be something upcoming. I have been basing everything off of putting myself in the best possible position for after graduation next spring. Contrary to popular belief, this is not the way of the world. Not knowing is perfectly alright.
Being an interviewee has taught me to be myself, no matter what. There are reasons why you are being asked for the position. Trying to perfectly and precisely craft answers is not what is going to get you the gig. The secret to impressing people is to be the way you are. Whatever situation it is, knowing that you were yourself is the most gratifying feeling.
I have also learned that you cannot be focused on something you have no control over. This affects all aspects of your life like a domino effect.
If only the world worked where if you want something enough and are qualified then it happens. That is not the way the world works. There is always going to be someone else who comes along. That is why acquiring the dream is a rare feat.
Knowing that your only chance at the dream could be shut down now, at only age 21 seems pretty dark. Along with other unknown factors, I have felt pretty down. This happens to me occasionally and has for a long time and when it comes, I have tried to sidestep it and know it is returning before it does. But this usually can’t happen. I have learned to accept that this just happens and sometimes I can’t help it. When there is no reason to feel down and apparently “everything you need surrounds you”, sometimes it is physically impossible to realize the anecdote is right in front of you.
Sometimes trying to blow the little black cloud away just does not work. More than anything, especially for someone like me, it is the worst feeling to not know a reason why it has returned. Any aspect of not feeling 100 percent right, especially in college, can affect everything from classes and homework to your overall outlook on life. It feels like a never-ending cycle. But despite the dark, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
It is perfectly alright to talk about what is going on in your life, no matter how irrelevant you think it is. In this society, it seems taboo to talk about how you feel. It’s most definitely not a weakness to do so. There is no way to tell just by looking at someone.
Something that helps is when you know you have a support system. This is a main way to get through anything, whether you have an answer for it or not. Friends will be there no matter what, despite anything that is going on. If someone trusts you enough to talk, listen. Realize it took a lot of courage for them to open up. If anyone makes you feel otherwise, think twice.
As hard as it may seem, there is always something to look forward to, no matter how small. Despite how difficult things are, taking some time to do something you know you enjoy is the best cure. I am all about getting work done at all hours of the day to be distracted, but I’ve realized, the only way to be as productive as possible is to be as happy as you can. This is just one person sharing and revealing their personal experience with mental health, but I can only hope perspective on mental health can change very, very soon.
