Most people in the world have a general idea of what they would consider a sport. In basic terms, it is usually defined as an athletic event. This line has been moved over time to include things like chess, poker and now Esports. What has come as a shock to me recently is that “Rock, Paper, Scissors” has crossed that threshold.
I was first made aware of this news when I saw videos of these intense tournaments in Japan. They had a referee and they would throw their hands out over a table in his view. There was an incredible intensity to it and it even had fans watching. The energy in these videos was nothing short of electric. The massive audience would go wild for these adults’ aggressive hand gestures. Needless to say when I was made aware that there was a “Rock, Paper, Scissors” tournament happening in New Paltz, I needed to go.
It was supposed to start at 9 p.m. at Snugs. Once it was five minutes until the start of the event, I made my way into Snugs with a couple friends. Upon opening the door, I could not believe what I was seeing. It was completely empty aside from the bartender and three older men, one of which tried for our attention. The stranger held them securely like they were a scarce resource that required his complete protection.
Naturally, the strange gentleman then asked for our I.D.s. Obviously this made no sense so my friends and I looked back at him puzzled. He then started cackling in a manner I can only describe as cartoonish. Looking around the room he expected people to join him, but he was mistaken in this belief. Soon he quieted down and his noise only served to bring the bartender over.
This woman actually asked for our I.D.s and then proceeded to quiz my two friends on every detail including the spelling of their names. Reluctantly she gave them back even after the conclusive findings of her scientific inquiries. Following that, she explained to us that we should rush in a drink order now. A new bartender was on in a few and she wanted this order under her. I’m not sure why? Was she under the impression that she had been a ray of sunshine and that we were going to shower in gratuities? Well to be blunt, she was not and we opted to wait on drinks for the time being.
As the bartender walked away from us, the cartoonish cackler from before started up a conversation with us again. He had a fixation on one of my friends and would not stop jabbering to her about nonsense. His loud and obnoxious behavior was again the catalyst for interaction. A man noticed us and then addressed us. This guy was clearly in charge of the tournament, he was the only one who looked out of place. He asked us if we were there for the tournament and we informed him we were. I could then see his eyes become hopeful since there were at least some people there for the event.
Unfortunately, I crushed all hope he had when I told him we were simply there to observe and enjoy from the sidelines. He seemed embarrassed by the lack of attendance and then tried to lie his way out of the situation. The man told us it did not start until 9:30 p.m. and that is when it would pick up. This was the saddest lie and more than anything else, just frustrating. There is no reason to try and trick me. I have eyes and can plainly see there is no one there, and this event was a huge flop. I just acted as if he was not blatantly lying and pretended I would come back.
Adding to the confusion trying to leave, Jabberjaw was still talking my friend’s ear off. He was awfully sweaty for being seated, but this greasy man had grown bolder. Insisting on a handshake, he reached out his filthy paw and then tried to pull her toward him. I stopped this advance, and my friends and I left. To give a review I would say: have this at a better venue and if possible, have people there.
