The Copy Couch DOES NOT Recommend: The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

I’ve only seen the first episode with my friends from home, so take this with a grain of salt.

However, I hated this episode. It turned me off to the whole show. The most pressing question I had while watching was “where the f*** is the cat? Where is Salem?” He was all I wanted to see the whole time and I never got him and I hated it.

The next question was why is this show supernatural “Riverdale,” and why was the script written purely by predictive text? I was bored from the minute it started.

Sabrina, why do you want to go to witch school when these b*tches have cursed you and insulted you before you even stepped foot in the door? Your homies at home and your cute brunette boyfriend should be enough for you, and you get to be magical all you want. 

Sabrina’s blonde dye job looks like s***. Mind you, my recent blonde dye job also looks like s*** but I’m 20 and Sabrina is 16. It made me mad and I wanted it to be nicer.

I HATE the new aunts. They suck, they aren’t good and the preppy one smokes cigarettes like an a**hole. 

Who is that guy in her house who acts like her brother? I waited for him to turn into the cat the whole time.

The only saving grace I witnessed was the aesthetic of the show. That s***’s on point. The only reason I committed to the first episode was because the aesthetic is great. It’s spooky, with lots of deep reds and antique looking s*** everywhere. That’s dope.

All in all the show sucks. I won’t watch another episode despite knowing we do eventually get the cat. However, he isn’t a weird animatronic cat that cracks wise-ass jokes, so I don’t care. Plus, the mean aunt still smokes cigarettes like an a**hole.

Don’t watch the show. Buzzfeed also said it’s offensive to real people who practice Wicca so I’ll avoid it even further.

If I’m wrong and you like the show, feel free to come kick my a** about it or whatever.

Madalyn Alfonso
About Madalyn Alfonso 85 Articles
Madalyn Alfonso is a fourth-year English major with a minor in Theatre. This is her sixth semester on The Oracle. Previously, she was the Arts & Entertainment Editor. She loves writing any and every thing she can for the Oracle, whether it be a hilarious Top Ten or a thought-provoking Culture Critique. She hopes you all love reading the Oracle!