I’d like to say I don’t have a problem, but even I know that’s not true. You see, I love something that scares the shit out of me. It gives me nightmares, yet fills me with joy. When they moan, I moan. Just so you know, I’m referring to zombies.
You see, the undead have fascinated me for years, starting with my first ever viewing of the brilliant “28 Days Later,” and reaching frenzied levels after reading the simply glorious piece of fiction that is Max Brook’s “World War Z.” From then on, I have been on constant alert for an outbreak of the walking plague, even going so far as to look for prospective weapons at random locations such as the supermarket where I used to work. Any particular place can become a zombie apocalypse scenario for me. So yeah, it’s a problem: but I love them all the same.
Due to the prevalence of my problem rearing it’s ugly rotting head, I’ve taken the time to find out why zombies scare and fascinate me so much. First of all, zombies have risen from the dead. They have conquered the unconquerable. This alone blows my mind.
Secondly, they are fearless. They do not fear pain because they can’t feel anything, they do not fear destruction because they have no need for self preservation, they literally don’t care because they can’t. This means an army one million strong equipped with all of the latest and most devastating weaponry would not even deter one zombie from attacking. Now imagine that but with a full blown plague. You would have millions of fearless, mindless, bodies with no concern but infecting others.
This brings me to the third reason. They are a walking virus. When someone catches a cold, they still have their free will, but not with zombies. When you’re a zombie the old you is effectively erased. You are no longer John Grishman from Idaho. You are a walking virus. You are a puppet used to infect others. This is horrifying.
Finally, and some might say most terrifying of all, is the fact that zombies are not some monster or animal that we can’t connect to, they are us. They look like us, move vaguely like us and when the zombie was once someone you knew, it is almost impossible to bring oneself to kill them. The majority of people would never murder another human being, but with zombies, they literally won’t give it a thought when it comes to ripping you apart. People must get over this in order to survive. Sadly, many won’t.
In the end, zombies are just plain awesome. They turn the world into a state of chaos all in the name of devouring us, to make us just like them. I love this. I can’t wait to see them in the television premiere of “The Walking Dead” on AMC. I can’t wait for them to appear in the film adaptation of “World War Z.” I can’t wait to make a coffee tablebook about zombies or a movie starring Steve Buscemi beating them over the head with a crowbar. My love of zombies has brought me closer with my brother, it’s made me new friends taught me valuable survival skills. Zombies have made me a better person. In the end all I can say is to be vigilant. The zombie apocalypse will come one day so you better watch your back. If you don’t, well then I’m just going to have to bash your skull in.