All Grown Up, For Shore

On Thursday, Oct. 4, the orange clan got together again in Seaside Heights, N.J., for the sixth and final season of MTV’s “Jersey Shore.”

As ashamed as I am to actually admit it, since the series premiere in December 2009, my Thursday nights have been dedicated to watching these eight guidos party their summers away, goof off in the infamous hot tub, run around the boardwalk wasted, tan and go clubbing.

Maybe I kind of envied them a little bit, because they are making bank for simply drinking and looking gaudy — basically what most college kids do for free. They were famous for virtually nothing and America fell in love with them while mocking them. But as with all fame and fortune, it must come to an end and, after the premiere episode, I can see why.

The show started with shocking news from the Situation (Mike Sorrentino), who revealed that between seasons five and six he went to rehab and cleaned himself of barbiturates, and has stopped taking drugs and quit smoking. He even has a woman in his life — yes, the sleep-with-two-girls-a-night-guy is trying to settle down.

Snooki (Nicole Polizzi) came to the shore six months pregnant and complained the entire time because she couldn’t tan, drink or work out. She sulked while the rest of the cast partied at Karma. Deena, Snooki’s other half, broke down crying on the second day and wouldn’t stop, because she missed her boyfriend.  Sammi and Ron came to the house as a couple — again.

I have rambled on about a show where nothing happens nor will happen. America got hooked on a show about people’s dysfunctional lives, but now they are all normal and boring. Snooki, who’s now a mother, claims to be done with her partying days. The Situation is actually a functioning member of society and J-Woww (Jenni Farley) is engaged.

The cast has grown up (better late than never), and I suppose I shall do the same. It was fun to watch, but I have to say I’m proud to see them change. So with that I say goodbye to my orange friends and wish them luck in their post-reality stardom.