Canine Athletes Pupstage The Super Bowl

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Sunday evening, Americans huddled around their televisions to take part in the longtime-lauded display of pageantry that celebrates athletic prowess, good breeding and undeniable nationalism.

That’s right — the Puppy Bowl’s back.

The Animal Planet’s answer to traditional Super Bowl Sunday gatherings has significantly more puppies than its CBS counterpart, less electrical problems and significantly less commercials.  This worked in its favor as the ninth installment of the program garnered higher ratings than ever before.

With excellent contenders like Fitz, a catahoula mix, Marta, a schnauzer/beagle mix who was ultimately named MVP (Most Valuable Puppy) and Biscuit, a Puerto Rican sato among others, the puppies demonstrated the different ways they could tumble about, falling asleep and occasionally bringing their chew toys past designated end zones. As far as I’m concerned, the rules were far less counter-intuitive than American football.

Despite the game being designed to showcase the different puppies frolicking up and down the tiny stadium, there aren’t too many rules. It’s essentially a 12-hour loop of precious footage of the little dogs tackling one another, fighting over toys and celebrating the spirit of athleticism through play. It brings out my deeply suppressed sports fan.

The Puppy Bowl, of course, brings to the surface many of the potential great sports stories of 2013.

What of invisible puppy-love on the pitch? I could’ve sworn I saw some air humping in the periphery of the game. Could we have the canine Manti T’eo on our hands?

Do the puppies have a players union — or puppies union? Is there a Collective Bargaining Agreement in sight?

What about unknown doggie doping in the games? What are they feeding these little guys to keep them so rambunctious?

The people need to know. If I pursue these leads, perhaps I could win a poo-litzer.