Happy almost-Halloween, Hawks!! If you’re like me, you’re all about the spooky season but don’t have the biggest appetite for gory, gross or excessively violent movies. So, in the spirit of All Hallow’s Eve, here are some awesome horror movie recommendations that’ll spook you real good– but not decimate your will to live.
These movies somehow ended up all being from 2014– totally by accident. It’s almost like the state of our politics this year is scary enough. This list is as spoiler-free as I can get it!
Tusk, directed by Kevin Smith, follows a man’s descent into madness after he is kidnapped in the Canadian wilderness. The protagonist, Justin Long, is a podcaster and a real piece of work. Justin soon learns that his kidnapper, a seemingly debilitated man, has an incredibly dark secret involving walruses. The film boasts a solid 5.3 on IMDB and a 43% on Rotten Tomatoes, but I think it’s a cinematic masterpiece for the ages. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt after watching this, but it definitely would’ve hurt more of my body was being transformed into that of a monstrous sea creature.
THIS MOVIE IS SO GODDAMN UNSETTLING.This movie is also based in the Canadian wilderness, and follows a similar plot to Tusk (minus the aquatic stuff). Some artsy faux-adventurous white dude (this one is named Aaron) is lured to a stranger’s (Josef’s) cabin. After a few hours alone, Josef’s darkest– and, err, most primal sides– begin to emerge. Even after Aaron’s eventual escape, he remains plagued by strange packages from Josef, including stuffed animals and jewelry. Much turmoil follows. The film, directed by Patrick Brice, has a 96% rating on Rotton Tomatoes and deserves a 100%. There is also a Creep 2, but I wouldn’t call it essential viewing.
This movie isn’t funny. It is, however, amazing and DEEPLY unsettling. The story follows a teenage girl who is followed by– well, “It”– after she loses her virginity. “It” is death, and she is told that this entity will take on the form of her friends and family and stalk her ceaselessly until she passes “it” on. I literally have chills thinking about it. The film was directed by David Robert Mitchell, and features a steller performance by Maika Monroe. The way this horror movie tackles sex and sexual violence, though very scary and likely triggering for some, is super tactful and respectful. Could use some more of that in horror movies.
Scary movies are way better with friends. So text your buddies, crack one of those new Dunkin’ Donuts IPAs or whatever, and watch a man being transformed into a walrus or something.