“There’s been a mistake… you’ve accidentally given me the food my food eats.”
If you know what this quote is from and who said it (clearly Ron Swanson) then you watch Parks and Recreation and you are perfect.
If this is also how you feel when someone brings you a salad or offers you a rice cake, read on.
Each week, one of us copy editors writes about one of our favorite meals and how to create it. Below you will find one of my favorite recipes:
1. Waddle over to Mobile, or Convenient, or Oscars or whatever late night food shack is closest to your place of residence.
2. Buy a box of something. It can be stuffing (my personal favorite), Velveeta, instant mashed potatoes, whatever you feel at the moment. It just has to be a box and it has to be delicious.
3. Go home. Locate the stove or something like it that will heat water.
4. Follow instructions on the back of the box to make the box turn into food.
5. Consume said food.
The most important thing to do when following this recipe is to remember that “serving sizes” are arbitrary markers whose only purpose is to make you feel bad about yourself when you realize you’ve eaten 3.5 “servings” of Velveeta.
The key to this meal is to not let yourself get caught up in those silly details. You’ve had a hard day.
Sit back, relax, and eat the whole thing.