Crippled By Commitment


Screen shot 2013-03-14 at 3.21.37 PMSeeing as I have no idea what to write about, I’m going to whine and cry about the fact that my future is a complete mystery to me. In 66 days I will be graduating and moving back home. This time I won’t be hanging out with friends and laying on my couch counting down the days until I go back to school ( I definitely will be laying on my couch for an extended period of time when I don’t get a job for a few years though).

I’ve always been amazed when people tell me they knew what they wanted to do since elementary school. My friends have wanted to become teachers, doctors and physical therapists ever since they can remember and have actually followed through on those ideas. Why couldn’t I have been blessed with the ‘I-know-exactly-what-I-want-to-do’ gene?

Becoming a teacher sounded like a great profession until I realized it was the only one I knew existed until high school. A marine biologist sounded pretty cool, especially because I love dolphins (and secretly because Aaron Carter said it was his dream job in an interview I read when I was 11). Science was never my best subject though and unless I got to pet and play with dolphins all day, I don’t think I’d find it that enjoyable (dolphin girl alert).

I’ve always been interested in journalism and I remember having a snow day in middle school where my dad brought a video camera outside while I reported on the weather. I probably shouldn’t be admitting this but we’ve all done it, right?

I think the biggest problem I have is committing to one thing. What if I become a teacher and end up hating kids? What if I go into public relations and get sick of it?

When I’m passionate about something (like The Oracle) I have no problem staying up until at least four in the morning to put out a paper I’m proud of.

Now that I think about it, I was a little terrified to join The Oracle. It seemed like such a big commitment and I didn’t think I was good enough. But in high school, I told myself I would join my college newspaper since I loved writing for The Horizon (my high school’s paper, what up Lynbroook). So after thinking about it for a few years (pathetic, I know) I finally joined and I’m glad I did.

It’s definitely as time consuming as I thought it would be, but following through on something and actually enjoying it gives me some hope that my next job won’t involve me crying into my pillow and hating my life.

Obviously in order to find that job I need to put on my big girl pants and apply to places that I’m interested in without taking a few years to analyze whether I’d love it or would be good enough.

I did that once and it paid off, so there’s a  chance it’ll work again? Maybe?

*Sorry that this turned into a mini self-therapy session but no one reads this thing anyway, right?