Local Mother Shows Pride Over Her Hormonal Son’s Dedication to Online Research

Single mother Carol Meehan boasts that her middle school-aged son Brian has devoted all of his time towards extensive research on flattening the COVID-19 curve. 

Schools across the country have moved to an indefinite recess in an effort to stop the spread of the contagious COVID-19. Millions of hormonal preteens are now confined to their homes with a whopping amount of free time on their hands. 

Ever since Brian’s middle school switched to distance learning a month ago, Carol admiringly reports that he spends all of his days and nights in his room with the family laptop, hard at work. 

When he is not listening to his teachers’ online lessons and completing his homework, Brian ravages the internet for updates on COVID-19 and tips for flattening the curve, according to his mother. 

“It was all his idea!” Carol exclaimed. “He just told me that he needs the laptop in his room and to use a private browser on our account. I told him, ‘sweetie, for science? Anything.’”

While Carol remains proud of her son’s determination and stamina, she worries that Brian’s COVID-19 research may be getting too much. When she walks by his bedroom, Carol can hear Brian moaning with frustration at least three times a day. 

Recently, Carol took the laptop to scroll through Pinterest and check her email. She noticed that her browser was buzzing with pop-ups about “busty college girls in your area” wanting to “talk.”

“He told me it’s not what it looks like … apparently, in order to access the more exclusive databases with COVID-19 information, you have to click past some dirty websites. It’s a shame that my son can’t pursue his interests without being bombarded by pictures of bare-breasted, loose women,” Carol said, shaking her head. 

Brian hasn’t been out of his bedroom in a week except to use the bathroom and ravenously gobble down his dinner before retreating back to his room. Carol claims that she tries to get into his room at least every couple of days to clean up, so the used tissues from dabbing the sweat from his brow don’t pile up. 

Carol beams that she has never seen Brian so focused on and interested in his studies before. She says that the closing of the schools could be the best thing that has ever happened for Brian’s curious spirit. 

“I do wish he would make his class dioramas in the garage though. The glue is making a mess of his sheets,” Carol said. 

Brian declined to comment when asked what he has learned over the course of his COVID-19 research. 

About Nicole Zanchelli 82 Articles
Nicole Zanchelli is a fourth-year journalism major with a sociology and Italian studies minor. This is her third semester on The Oracle. Previously, she worked as a sports assistant copy editor, an arts & entertainment copy editor and features copy editor. Her favorite articles to read and write deal with exposing corruption and analyzing social injustices.