Whenever I watch a show or a movie, or read a book, I find myself focusing more on the characters I hate than on those I love. Characters like these can sometimes ruin a perfectly good story for me, just by existing. Whether this is human nature or I’m just a generally negative person I do not know, but reasoning aside, here are ten fictional characters that I want to fight.
10. Kimmy Gibbler, “Full House”
I don’t necessarily hate Kimmy Gibbler, but everything about her annoys me. Every single member of the Tanner family made it very clear that they didn’t enjoy Kimmy’s constant company; yet she managed to raid their house every episode. In the Netflix reboot of the series, Fuller House, Kimmy as a grown woman with a child is just as annoying. Nothing has changed. She’s still constantly finding ways to make life harder for everyone around her.
9. Spencer, “iCarly”
Does Spencer have friends? Not to shame him if he doesn’t, but isn’t it sad and horrible that the only people he hangs out with are his sister and her tween friends? Of course, there is the occasional mention of Socko, who is apparently one of his best friends, but we never get to actually see Socko. Is this a coincidence? Probably not.
8. Ronald McDonald
I know he’s up to something. I don’t know what, but one look at him and you can tell. Sure, this is a little bias as I’m not necessarily affectionate towards clowns in the first place, but something about Ronald is extra-creepy. I’m convinced there’s nothing worse in the world than pulling up to the McDonald’s drive-thru window and coming face to face with a statue of Ronald McDonald.
7. CatDog, “CatDog”
Honestly, I kind of liked CatDog as a kid. My biggest problem with the titular character, CatDog, is that they’re confusing. I’m not quite sure which pronouns to use when referring to CatDog, as they’re a cat and a dog, combined into one questionable species. Are they two separate beings? Why are they connected like that? Why can’t they just choose cat or dog? Too many questions that I don’t have answers to, which is why I’d gladly fight CatDog.
6. Mom, “Phineas and Ferb”
While “I’m Lindana and I Wanna Have Fun,” was and still is a certified bop, Linda Flynn-Fletcher, commonly referred to as “Mom,” is a trash character. Poor Candace spends every waking hour of her life desperately trying to bust her brothers, and Mom always somehow misses catching their mischief by mere seconds, then resorts to claiming that Candace made the whole thing up. Do better, Mom.
5. Clay Jensen, “13 Reasons Why”
Ew. I hated Clay when I read the book, and I hated him even more when I watched the Netflix series. He’s dramatic, he’s extra, he’s weird, and he’s annoying. Why couldn’t he just do what Hannah asked and listen to the tapes all the way through in one sitting before dramatically trying to solve some mystery that, low and behold, Hannah clears up herself by the end of the tapes? Also, I’m pretty sure he feels worse for himself than he does for Hannah, who literally died.
4. Christian Grey, “Fifty Shades of Grey”
There are a lot of obvious faults in the character of Christian Grey, but these became most obvious with the latest installment of the trilogy, Fifty Shades Freed, when Ana tells him that she’s pregnant and he quite literally throws a tantrum and runs away. Christian, you’re a grown man with a wife and a lot of money. Stop being dramatic. You can handle a kid.
3. Will Schuester, “Glee”
Will Schuester is, much like Christian, a man-child. His desperate need to relive his glory days through a high school glee club almost ruined not one, but two marriages, and disrupted a lot more lives along the way. He always found a way to sneak his way into a performance each season, which was really inappropriate, and for some reason felt that his horrible rapping would somehow help teach his students. How?
2. Brian Griffin, “Family Guy”
I really hate Family Guy. I think it’s gross and annoying. I loved it at 11 years old, especially when I would sneak in episodes behind my parent’s back and not understand any of the dialogue or humor. Rewatching the show, I see that nothing about it is funny. The worst part of the show, in my opinion, is Brian, the family dog who can talk. For some reason, everyone just considers this normal, and he even dates multiple normal, human women throughout the course of the show. He’s also kind of an asshole. It’s probably supposed to be funny that the dog is the smartest member of the family, but to me, it’s just pretentious.
1. Olaf the Snowman, “Frozen”
I harbor a lot of hatred for Olaf. I once wrote an entire piece dedicated to how much I dislike Olaf. I want him to melt so badly. He’s loud and obnoxious and clueless, but not in an endearing way. Sure, Olaf saved the day a few times, but does that really mean much when he was usually the one creating the problems? I actually enjoyed Frozen a lot, but if they’re gonna keep using Olaf as their cash-cow instead of the much more likeable Reindeer, then I’m gonna have to have several words with Disney.