Sport or Not: Grocery Shopping

It all begins with the cart....

Imagine you’re at ShopRite on a busy morning and you’re perusing the produce section. You need apples. Simple. Wait, that one is bruised. That one doesn’t look right. There’s a woman glaring at you. Why does she look so angry? Go to another aisle, get apples later.

You go to the cereal aisle. You have a big list, so you got a cart. Unfortunately, everyone has a cart. You just want Cheerios and now you’re playing bumper cars with a woman and the kid crying next to her. He wants Reese’s Puffs. His mom says no. He’s screaming. Get cereal later.

Why are these aisles so narrow? You’re in the bread aisle for a very specific kind of bread, because, well… because. Why are there so many people in the bread aisle? 

But look! There it is, your favorite bread. The last loaf. You smile; putting it in your cart feels like hitting a goal. Suddenly, you’re on offense.

You go back and get your Cheerios. You get your fruit, leaving before anyone can be inexplicably furious at you for existing in their vicinity. You hit every aisle you need. You hear an invisible crowd cheering from the sidelines.

The triumphant feeling you get after checking out is why grocery shopping is a sport. There’s the adrenaline rush, there’s the physical exertion of dodging every cart and hauling every bag. There’s no other word for it. Congratulations, because you, dear reader, win a gold medal for every time you survived a grocery run.

About Katie Ondris 46 Articles
Katie Ondris is a second-year journalism major from New Jersey. They have previous experience with fiction writing, but The Oracle is their first position as a journalist. Outside of New Paltz, they work as a barista and spend their free time indulged in films and books.