“You asked, we delivered. Huffing cowboy killers outside everybody’s favorite academic building is now an official campus event.”
This was the message put forth by a group of New Paltz students who sought to celebrate chain smoking Marlboro Reds outside of the Humanities Building on the morning of Thursday, Oct. 26.
“I just got out of class and started smoking,” said second-year Jacob Wilt, who saw the event page on Facebook and added that he already does that.
“Is it a rite of passage? I suppose. I was just happy I wouldn’t be that kid smoking alone. I just wish it was a little more poppin’,” Wilt continued.
As a potential act of counterrevolution, a mysterious drifter with sunglasses and a backwards hat blew a thick cloud of smoke after inhaling his vape.
“Oh, was that event today?” the man shrugged.
“I just wish there were more people here to celebrate,” said fourth-year digital media production major Corinne Prenatt. “Wait, is that a vape? Obviously he didn’t get the memo. A tremendous let down.”
While it may be sad this event came and went, the mysterious backwards hat donning man can rejoice on Nov. 24 when a separate movement goes down outside the Atrium.
“Vaping Outside the Atrium,” or, more colloquially, “Make the Atrium the Vapetrium,” is the spiritual successor to the occasion late last month.
A man, who prefers to be referred to as “Natty Daddy” said the event was born after he missed out on the original event.
“I was looking forward to seeing the chain smoking event in front of Humanities last week,” he said. “I thought it was a great opportunity to meet new and exciting people — was hoping to bum a cigarette or three. Unfortunately due to my schedule, I couldn’t make it. I was devastated, it was a dreadful affair.
“Like a nicotine filled Halley’s comet, I knew I was never going to get another chance so easily. While blowing some sick vape smoke with my friend Zycron, that’s when my vape cloud turned into a vape thought.”
When asked if this was intended to be a counterrevolution to smoking cigarettes, Natty Daddy dismissed this notion.
“It’s not so much a counter revolution against the Chainsmokers, I love that song they did with Halsey. It’s more of a cultural revolution,” he said. “No one takes us vapers seriously and I think it’s time we really looked at ourselves in the mirror.
“We out here, you know? Living our lives like everyone else. Just trying to catch that next cloud.”
Natty Daddy left us with the following message about his cultural event:
“I hope my event will bring together this estranged group and show the world that it’s okay to enjoy what you love doing,” he said. “No one should be afraid of being themselves.”